Esperanza, Envuelta

TITLE: Esperanza, Envuelta (Hope, Enshrouded)
ARTIST: Angelina Kendra, 2016
MATERIALS: cotton fabrics, thread, metal embellishments, silk
SIZE: 28.5 x 42"

This piece represents a visual interpretation of the seven stages of grief, based on the work of psychologist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. As an infographic, the piece reads like a bar chart, with Time beginning at the upper left and moving downward along the Y axis. The fragmented bars represent the stuttering progress and simultaneity of the various stages; I chose prints to reflect the emotional reactions (both my own and others') to this national nightmare.

Shock. The world is shattered.

Shock. Initial reaction to the realization that 61 million AmeriKKKans chose to cast a precious vote for one of the most repugnant megalomaniacs to cross our national stage -- it felt like the world was shattered, like the pieces of reality had cracked into a trillion shards -- could not focus or think or process or barely breathe -- there can't possibly be so many short-sighted, small-minded, self-centered, mythology-driven, anti-intellectual, fetus-fetishizing, cyber-paranoid, hate-filled voters [even though personal knowledge, empathy, and academic training tell me otherwise...rational thought is not invited to the shock party]

Denial. Floating through emptiness.

Denial. Nothing to look at here. Just a void of nothingness. Empty space. Nothing is happening. This is not real.

Anger. Pulsing and insistent.

Anger. Pure, pulsating red rage, throbbing in its insistence. [At least the physical nausea has subsided.] Violent fantasies. Poisonous toxic disgust coursing through every cell of my body. Vengeance fantasies. Nothing nice to say to anyone right now so it's best to seclude myself and let this fire burn itself out a bit. Finding comfort in rising death rates. Nothing nice to say. If there were Thought Police, I'd be in Double Plus Ungood trouble.

Bargaining. Chaotic search for answers.

Bargaining. A chaotic and frantic search for anything that will help...emigration plans, reassurance that at least my own children are healthy straight (?) white males so they will likely be fine in the short term, desperately reading poetry and viewing art, ordering books about the Holocaust, watching documentaries about Civil Rights leaders, volunteering, donating, [backsliding to indulge in more violent fantasies, anger coexists with bargaining, thoughts inseparably braided together], pondering career changes, seeking community, rioting, recounting, protesting, organizing, counting down days until the midterms, [another wave of nausea, hey at least it could keep some weight off, I'd hate to think our national leaders think I'm a Fat Pig], wondering how to galvanize nonvoters and new voters and burn off the apathy and rise up with a united voice for a better future for everyone...like a rat in a cage with nowhere to go and everything to lose...

Depression. Mesmerizing depths.

Depression. A small square in this visual composition, but so mesmerizing, so enticing, an invitation into a black hole of self-doubt, self-pity, eternal grief, spiraling into an emotional abyss that lasts forever and stains everything and sucks every ounce of joy and humor and spark from the world...desperately clawing onto anything else, even hot boiling rage is a better alternative to avoid disappearing here forever...

Acceptance. A new normal.

Acceptance. Day by day. Agonizing minutes. A slow and steady crawl back to calm moments and a semblance of normalcy. Perhaps as many as five minutes at a time when I can forget about 61 million traitors to freedom and progress and human rights. [No, that's not right -- one can't be a "traitor" never having believed in the first place.] Dinner with friends. Maybe a game with my children. I might chuckle at one of their jokes or tease them about their music. I might vote for John Cena -- he's even got a great "My Time Is Now" slogan all ready to go. We laugh a little about that.

And finally, Kubler-Ross suggests that underlying the entire grieving process is:

Hope. Still hiding in Pandora's box?

Hope. I used one of my favorite prints here, a cosmic fuschia that bubbles with enthusiasm and suggests a dynamic power of barely contained energy. But in this moment, at this time in this place, I have covered this beautiful thing with an ugly shroud, weighed down by the explicit miserable reality of 61 million human beings who would seek to block hope for everyone else. I added the lettering -- en español -- both to signify the relevance to immigrant populations (not only Spanish-speaking ones) but also as a nod to one of the main characters in Barbara Kingsolver's moving book The Bean Trees, which served as the window that first opened my own eyes to a more worldly vision of compassion:

“A human being can be good or bad or right or wrong, maybe. But how can you say a person is illegal? You just can't. That's all there is to it.”

The matchstick quilting was a meditation. White machine noise to drown out the poisonous rage-filled accusations and nightmarish prophecies screaming through my mind...boring straight lines, made occasionally irregular when I couldn't focus through tears...thick black funereal border to enclose the whole thing and bind it to this hellscape of a moment in history.

The primary question that I have been asking myself over the past month is, What, exactly, am *I* grieving? I don't have a satisfying answer for this. Mostly I think I am grieving the loss of my own hope. My tenuous belief in the goodness of the people with whom I share a national identity. The end of my charade of a complacent suburban mom. My disgust is so profound I can taste it. I know that I will not be part of any "solution" to this schism, because I am not prepared to shine any beacon or hold anyone in the light or pray or wish for anything. I won't even waste my energy trying to have a civil conversation because I, quite literally, have NOTHING nice to say. And I won't be bothered learning a third language where words mean nothing and logic does not apply.

The best thing I have to hope for is a heaping helping of schadenfreude as 61 million delusional AmeriKKKans slowly realize they have just chosen a preeminent con man to preside over the rights-eroding, environment-despoiling, freedom-crushing disgrace that is about to unfold. No one deserves it more than they do.

Women's Words

The most recent challenge from my art quilting group was to make a 16 x 20" piece inspired by a story or anything literary. With the vitriol of the election underway, I chose The Handmaid's Tale, in which literacy (and therefore Scrabble) was forbidden by an authoritarian theocracy. When Margaret Atwood published her book in 1985, she described it as “Speculative Fiction.” By the time I read it in the mid 1990s, I cavalierly believed that earlier generations of feminists had pretty much solved the biggest problems for American women in the modern world, that there might be some ironing out and fine-tuning left to do, but that the bulk of the work had been done.

Nope.

Even a cursory level of attention to news about women’s healthcare, body autonomy, and political voice makes it clear that for every inch of progress, there has been pushback strengthened by economic woes, a poorly educated populace, and shamefully misinformed male decision makers.

The question I want this piece to inspire is: How “speculative” is this fiction?

Women's Words (16 x 20", 2016)

The grid arrangement of Scrabble words are inspired by the novel itself, but in quilting the spaces in between, I added some contemporary quotations that illustrate just how very far women still have to go. In mostly chronological order, starting with the outrageous example that probably inspired me to read the book in the first place:

“The facts show that people who are raped -- who are truly raped -- the juices don't flow, the body functions don't work and they don't get pregnant," North Carolina State Rep. Marvin Warren “Henry” Aldridge (R-Greenville), 1995

Women's Words, detail (North Carolina State Rep. Marvin Warren “Henry” Aldridge [R-Greenville], 1995)

“if it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.” – US Rep. Todd Akin (R-Missouri), 2012

Women's Words, detail (US Rep. Todd Akin [R-Missouri], 2012)

“ ‘If you’re going to go down that road, you may have consensual sex that night and then the next morning it may be rape.’ So the way he said it was, ‘Just remember, Roger, some girls, they rape so easy. It may be rape the next morning.’ ” – Wisconsin State Rep. Roger Rivard (R-Rice Lake), 2012

Women's Words, detail (Wisconsin State Rep. Roger Rivard [R-Rice Lake], 2012)

“If it’s an honest rape, that individual should go immediately to the emergency room. I would give them a shot of estrogen….” – US Rep. Ron Paul (R-Texas), 2012

“Bimbos”… “dogs” … “fat pigs” … “slobs” … “bleeding from her wherever” – Republican presidential candidate Donald J. Trump (1946 - ?)

Women's Words, detail (US Rep. Ron Paul [R-Texas], 2012)

Women's Words, detail (Donald J. Trump)

Women's Words, detail (Donald J. Trump)

So, again: Speculative?

Junk drawer challenge: Results

[ETA: This was #1 on my list of Q1 finish-along goals.]

My journal group has recently adjusted the schedule so that we make a group challenge every other month with general show-and-tell/technique-oriented meetings in between. Unfortunately, winter got the best of us this month so we cancelled our February gathering. I had been hoping to get photos of the remaining one or two projects that were not shown in January, but I will just edit this post later to add them.

Our project for January was to use a collection of junk drawer items; each of us brought in fifteen identical (or mostly so) items, which we then exchanged so everyone would have the same collection of random items to incorporate into a piece no larger than 18" on any side. The items were varied:

Ribbons, beads, bells, doodads...

Mostly because of the purple tassels and all the spangly bits, my initial thoughts were of desert horses in costumed riders...then carousels...but I ended up taking the equine shape in a more watery direction. I don't have a lot of process photos, although I did post a few onto Facebook (www.facebook.com/quiltingafterdark) and Instagram (@quiltingafterdark). I started with some lightly textured mostly-solids (something like Moda Grunge for the sky and a darker more washed green-blue for the water), added just a little pearly paint for some foamy texture in the water, then stitched the two pieces together with the wiggly white ribbon sandwiched between for a whitecap effect. The rest was an exercise in fabric collage and heavy embellishment. I'll let the photos and descriptive captions do the rest of the talking.

Poseidon's Chariot (2016, 18 x 18") -- see the original inspiration image

Poseidon's Chariot, detail -- extra beads (not in challenge packet) used for hair and beard; seashell as codpiece (get it? cod? It's funny because it's Poseidon!)

Poseidon's Chariot, lower left detail -- chariot is fussy-cut from a commercial nautilus print; heart clips attached as tail fin; folded hexagon cut into scallop shape with pearl embellishment; painted ribbons and yarns used as kelp and sea ferns

Poseidon's Chariot, jellyfish detail -- made by quartering a felt sphere, hand-sewing beads along edge, securing decorative ribbons to bottom, attaching in front of transparent "bubble" sequins.

Poseidon's Chariot, hippocampus detail -- made by folding tassel trim in half, hand stitching along applique as "mane" with tiny decorative bells interspersed; heart clips attached as "fins"; additional charm (not in the challenge packet) added as headdress.

I took photos of the other group members' "solutions" as well. These are identified only by name below.

Paula Fullar

Mary MacIlvain

Marlene Shea 

Susan Kozikowski

Gerry Terninko

Patti Slason

Rosemary Dziubinski

Anna Tufankjian

February Minimalism: v1

The February challenge for the Mighty Lucky Quilt Club involves making a minimalist composition. I dug up some mostly-solids (not buying anything for these challenges is a second-level challenge) and slapped them onto the wall to audition a few ideas and colors. I pulled down the box of upholstery samples that my friend Hope gave me a few years back, lots of gorgeous linens and sateens in natural shades. The bits of satin-stitched sheeting were perfect linear elements, and I am pleased to say that I made this entire piece without any rulers or rotary cutting. Hand-driven scissorwork all the way.

Minimalism, improvised (Trial #1)

I'm going to put some simple quilting on this, then stretch it onto a frame. I have three or four frames the same size, so my hope is to do a few more pieces in a minimalist series. I'm already thinking about which fabrics I want to use for the next one...

Particle Decay (in bias)

I am incredibly grateful to Krista Fleckenstein for her bias-strip tutorial, and to the folks who put together the Mighty Lucky Quilt Club -- I bought the full-year subscription as a Yule gift to myself, and in my opinion it has already had a great ROI! I am very pleased with my finished project from January's challenge:

"Decay" (26.5 x 32.5")

Working with the bias strips as an interesting experiment. The thicker strips, more than a half-inch wide, were trickier to curve but easier to turn sharp points. I made Decay using 1/4" strips, the same width as the Wonder tape that holds them in place. I'm taking a class with Timna Tarr later this month that uses very thin bias strips like these, so I'm eager to find out if she has any other suggestions and tips for their use.

The original photo from CERN that I used as my inspiration is here; it shows the results of smashing a neutrino into a neon nucleus. I chose this beautiful fuschia Stonehenge fabric as my background because I loved the cosmic look created by the shading variation. The strips are vibrant lime with a very faint stripe in metallic gold. The line ends represent particle annihilation, where matter becomes energy; I attached tiny sunburst charms backed by lime sequins to catch the sunlight -- this is difficult to photograph, but very eye-dazzling in person.

"Decay" (detail of annihilation)

Even the back of this quilt looked spectacular, because I quilted through all three layers to stitch the bias strips down first, then filled the spaces between with tight meandering. The variegated thread blends beautifully into the cosmic background on the front, and the design really pops on the coordinating batik on back of the quilt:

"Decay" (reverse view)

Even the practice piece that I made to try out the technique turned out to be a Lovely Thing:

Bias strip sampler

And just like that, another 2016-Q1 finish! I'm eagerly anticipating the February challenge later today...although today is my baby's 12th birthday so some fun family time is in order after my classes are over this afternoon. Life is good, my friends.

SAQA Trunk Show

The Connecticut regional chapter of SAQA has organized a trunk show that will travel through the northeast, and any other regions that request it. We were to create a 6 x 10" piece responding to the question: You're Doing WHAT?

Here's mine, along with the text that will be attached to the back.

We're doing WHAT? (2015, 6 x 10")

We’re doing WHAT? I started quilting just before the Virginia Tech shootings in 2007, at which time I organized a massive worldwide effort to make quilts for the survivors and victims’ families. Only five years later, half an hour from where I’m raising my own family, somebody gunned down a classroom full of first graders. Since then – even by the most conservative estimates – there has been an average of another shooting every five weeks. I’m kind of tired of reading the same headline. I’m kind of tired of comfort projects – no quilt replaces a human life.

We’re doing a lot of crying, hugging, hand-wringing, blaming, blogging, memorializing, promising, hiding, waiting, bleeding, and dying, but overall? We’re doing NOTHING to prevent the next incident.

My First Juried Show

This was an exciting week for me, as three of my original pieces were juried into a Celebration of Fiber Arts show at the Arts Center East in Vernon, CT. None of my pieces won any of the prizes, but it was exciting to see them displayed and lit so professionally and beautifully. The pieces selected were:

The River Hexx (MCXI) (2013), which I created with 1,116 paper-pieced 3/8" hexagons and hand quilted. I loved how the lighting cast the shadow of the hex-shaped edge in the gallery.

The River Hexx (MCXI) (2013)

Nut and Geb Create the Earth (2015) is based on an ancient Egyptian story of the night sky and her earth lover being held apart (spoiler: they tricked Ra and ultimately had five children). It's a really beautiful story, and I love how this quilt illustrates it. I freehand-drew the shapes of Nut and Geb (no tracing!) using fabrics that must have been designed especially for this purpose. I made fabric beads and strung them together to evoke the carnelian tube pectoral collars that we have seen in a number of art museums. Arcs of lotus/palm leaves frame the central scene.

Nut and Geb Create the Earth (2015)

Perfect Square Dissection: 21 Black-and-White Squares (2012) is a solution to a mathematical puzzle. It's pieced from 21 squares, all of different sizes, and finishes as a square as well.

Perfect Square Dissection: 21 Black-and-White Squares (2012)

Yours Truly, with Nut and Geb Create the Earth

The show will hang until November 7 at Arts Center East, which is open Thursday through Sunday from 1-5 pm. Let me know if you go to see it!

Modern Quilt Guild meeting

Yesterday I drove to Northampton to attend a meeting with the local group of the Modern Quilt Guild. So glad I did! Their meeting space is the common house for the Rocky Hill Cohousing community just outside of Northampton, and it's spectacularly beautiful. Timna Tarr spoke about choosing quilting motifs that best finish a particular project, a topic that I've been particularly interested in recently. I shared a few of my Sol LeWitt projects that were inspired by my trip to MassMoCA several years ago, including my bed-sized replica of Wall Drawing #1112.

Wall Drawing 1112 (Sol LeWitt, MassMoCA 2003 installation)

"Log Cabin a la LeWitt" in situ (90 x 90")

This was a really fun project to work on. I cut the six basic colors of Kona into 3.5" strips, then rolled them onto empty paper tubes threaded onto an old broomstick. Starting from the middle (four squares), I determined which patch to use next by rolling dice: A six-sided die determined the color, a 12-sided die for the strip length in inches, and an 8-sided die for an extra eighth-inch measurement. The only limitation I put on the process was that a color was not allowed to touch itself in a previous row (from LeWitt's original rules for this piece). Once I had the 90" log cabin sewn, I quilted it using the lines in another of his wall drawings, concentric circles from the center and arcs from all four corner points. Again, I rolled a 6-sided die to determine which color of thread to use in each ring. LeWitt's work is perfectly "quiltable" -- about half of his wall murals are suitable as patchwork, and another set of his works are simply rules for groups of lines, perfect as quilting motifs. A complete quilt project like this one, then, superimposes the lines over the color patchwork.

I had initially made a smaller version of this same wall drawing as a sort of "test run" for the process. For the smaller one (1" strips, 27" finished), the quilting lines were from another of LeWitt's line pieces: 10" straight lines, overlapping in all directions.

Wall Drawing 86:  Ten thousand lines about 10 inches (25 cm) long, covering the wall evenly. (Sol Lewitt, MassMoCA 2003 installation)

I painted the tiny pig for the New Britain Youth Theater's fundraiser that year.

(I confess that I went through a really serious Sol LeWitt phase right after that first museum trip.)

I won't be able to make the NMQG November meeting way up in Shelburne, but once I see how the full-time spring schedule is going to treat me, I might try to go again...visiting Northampton once a month doesn't seem like a huge hardship. Thanks to the NMQG for their kind welcome!!

Dimensional Pyramid

My art group decided to make something dimensional for the September meeting. I have literally hundreds of ideas of things that I want to assemble...for now, I made a simple project to try out some different construction techniques. (I learned, for example, that ladder stitch is far superior to whip stitch if you don't want to see thread in the finished seam.) I have some small triangles cut from DecoFuse to try some smaller polyhedra in the future, but sometimes quite a bit of time passes between idea and execution.

This pyramid is made from four 9" pieces of very stiff double-fuse interfacing (Fast2Fuse? I don't have a label anymore). I adhered the pieced triangles to the separate triangles, wrapped the edges around, completed the decorative quilting and embellishing, then hand-sewed the pieces together. Each face is quilted or embellished differently, and each point of the pyramid has matching fabrics on all three faces.

Paper-pieced hexagons appliqued onto Side One

Free-motion flower on Side Two

Spiral in metallic thread on Side Three

Isometric grid of beads on Side Four

View from above

Cephalopod Transfers

In honor of Cephalopod Week, I have been experimenting with some different transfer methods, featuring old scientific illustrations of various Cephalopoda. Lots more to do over the coming months.

The first attempt with gel medium came out well, and has a lot of potential to become an interesting finished piece.

The Citrasolv technique was more ghosted, but I already have some ideas for using it.